Old but Good

[kardmania]

* I just got back from a pleasure
trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.



* I've been in love with the same woman
for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill
me!



* What are three words a woman never wants to
hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"



* Someone stole all my credit cards but I
won't be reporting it. The thief spends
less than my wife did.



* We always hold hands. If I let go,
she shops.



* My wife and I went back to the hotel where
we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed
in the bathroom and cried.



* My wife and I went to a hotel where
we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .



* She was at the beauty shop for two hours.
That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and
looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.


* The Doctor gave a man six months to
live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him
another six months.



* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying,
"Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. " Mrs. Cohen
answered, "So did my arthritis!"



* Doctor: "You'll
live to be 60!" Patient: "I
am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell
you?"




* Patient: "I
have a ringing in my ears."

Doctor: "Don't
answer!"



* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge
says, "You've been brought here for
drinking."

The drunk says "Okay, let's get
started."




* Why do divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.


The Harvard School of Medicine
did a study of why women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won
Ton spelled backward is Not
Now.