Senior Steam

[kardmania]

Letter from 86 yr. old woman

>>> This is way to good not to share!
>>>
>>> 86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank
>>> Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year
>>> old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it
>>> published in the New York Times.
>>>
>>> Dear Sir:
>>>
>>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored
>>> to pay my plumber last month.
>>> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
>>> presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed
>>> to honor it.. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my
>>> entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for
>>> only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
>>> of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
>>> for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from
>>> the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant
>>> financial ways.
>>> I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
>>> letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
>>> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank
>>> has become.
>>>
>>> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
>>> person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
>>> longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed
>>> personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must
>>> nominate.
>>>
>>> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person
>>> to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact
>>> which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to
>>> eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your
>>> bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all
>>> copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary
>>> Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation
>>> (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by
>>> documented proof. In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your
>>> employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>>> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
>>> modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my
>>> account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is
>>> the sincerest form of flattery.
>>> Let me level the playing field even further.
>>> When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>>>
>>> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
>>>
>>> #1. To make an appointment to see me
>>>
>>> #2. To query a missing payment.
>>>
>>> #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>>>
>>>
>>> #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
>>>
>>> #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
>>>
>>> #6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
>>>
>>> #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer
>>> is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to
>>> that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
>>>
>>> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>>>
>>> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put
>>> on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>>>
>>> #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on
>>> occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the
>>> duration of the call.
>>>
>>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>>> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I
>>> wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
>>>
>>> Your Humble Client
>>>
>>>
>>> (Remember: This was written by an 86 year old woman -'YA JUST GOTTA
>>> LOVE " US SENIORS" !!!!! )
>>>
>>> And remember: Don't make old People mad. We don't like being old in the
>>> first place, so it doesn't take much to set us off.

[bigdipper702]

very funny